Intermittent reinforcement dating
One thing I still have a problem with is the idea that their behaviour is unconscious or instinctive.
I'm sure that it is because my now ex's attitude towards me could change from adulation to barely concealed rage or contempt, then back again.
Do both of these and I can guarantee you'll feel a lot bettter.
Blunt scissors Velouria, the equivalent of beating on their chest going 'Why can't you see how your behaviour upsets me and causes you problems in your interactions with other people?
Guess it didn't work for him anymore and he switched tactics.
I don't think he planned it beforehand but he'd done it so often that the result was predictable. You have to remember N's are little children and require attention -- now.
Senseatlast, thanks for this I've read about this before but your post sumarised it well.
I agree that that longing for the good bits makes us, not exactly overlook the bad bits but certainly minimise them, because the good seems so good.
Then just go and stab your ex-N repeatedly with a pair of blunt scissors.
I read in a lot of threads how posters cannot rid themselves of their very strong feelings for their N ex-partners.
These feelings are often much stronger and deep seated than in any previous relationship.
My predictable reaction either didn't matter, or gave him a feeling of power.
It was horrible but once I'd realised what was going on I stopped getting upset, and he stopped doing it!